PG-13 Cut of Kennedy – Chapter Nine


I awoke to a quiet house. I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep. It was the sort of sleep where you just fade away and you don’t even dream. I rubbed my back as I rose from the bed. I wondered where Avery was. I was surprised he hadn’t woken me up before now. I headed out to the kitchen, but something…some movement or…I don’t know, made me turn towards the table. I saw Avery sitting there. His hand was resting on something. I felt my stomach drop as I realized it was my diary.

“I wanted to find a way to help you. I was hoping to find answers to some of my questions. I knew it was wrong…I knew it was a betrayal of trust. I knew you’d hate me. I didn’t expect to find what I found. I know that that is what happens when you go snooping.”

“You read my diary?” I asked in a soft whisper. My mind immediately began to run back over all of the entries I had written…and it immediately settled on one. My fantasy with Jimmy. He had read it…he had known that night I wasn’t thinking of him. Then I thought of the day that Madison took me to the butterfly garden. I had said how much I had just wanted him to go away. Oh God I said such awful things about him.

“I’m sorry, Kennedy.”

“I’m sorry too. Where do we go from here?”

“I’m not sure…are you happy?”

Tears rose again…it seemed to be all that I was doing lately. I shook my head as they began to fall.

“I’m sorry,” I sniffled, “but I’m not…I’m not happy. I spoke so hatefully of you, I know. I do love you.”

“I know you love me. But, love isn’t always enough,” I nodded in agreement before he continued, “I think we need counseling, Kennedy. I think we need to see a marriage counselor and we need to get our fertility checked out. You need grief counseling.”

“I am not going to counseling, Avery. I don’t want to be checked out. I just want to get pregnant and have a baby…thats the natural course of things. I just…I want to be normal.”

“You may not be normal, Kennedy. I may not be normal. We need to get tested.”

“No.”

He sighed, “then what do you want, Kennedy? What can I do to make this better? How can I help you move on?”

“I think we should separate,” I blurted out. I hadn’t meant to say it…I didn’t know that I had been thinking it. As soon as it was out in the open though, it was impossible to take back.

He looked hurt. His eyes were glassy and as he hung his head, his hair fell into his eyes. He swallowed and stood.

“Avery….”

He held up his hand and looked away from me. He went into the bedroom and I could hear him opening and closing drawers. He reappeared a moment later with a bag in his hand. He stopped and regarded me for a moment. He held his hand up and stroked my cheek. I felt so horrible. Yet, I didn’t try to take back what I said.

“I’m going to the doctor to get myself checked out…I suggest you do the same. Call me when you’ve had enough time alone.”

* * *

I threw myself into the band again. We practiced like crazy until our big show at the Prosper Room. I went all out and transformed myself into something that fit the band’s aesthetic better. I put on really heavy make up and painted stars on my face. Selene helped me buy some clothes and put my hair up for me. The night of the show, we really blew them away. There were rumors that a record producer had been in the audience, but I think Jimmy only said that to make us play our very best.

Jimmy and Selene went home right after the show. Jimmy and I, however, weren’t really ready to call it a night. I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. So, Jimmy and I sat at the bar and ordered drinks.

“Any word from Avery?” he asked me after we’d each had a few sips.

I took a long sip on my drink and grimaced at the burn. Being in a bar reminded me enough of how I met Avery…I didn’t need Jimmy bringing him up. I couldn’t think about my estranged husband. It hurt too damn much. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. My life wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“No,” I said, slamming my drink down, “I don’t want to talk about it, Jimmy. We’re separated for the time being, okay?”

Jimmy and I drank, then danced and went back to the bar and drank some more. Everything around me was starting to feel really…really good. I felt so warm and fuzzy, like I was being held by a blanket made of…ducks or kittens. Jimmy was being so nice. He was so funny and so nice to me. I ‘membered thinking how nice he was paying for my drinks. His hair is funny. Ha.

We were kicked out of the bar at last call. They’re sho mean. Jimmy an i decinded to go bak to hish place. Hesh sho nice. I lik him lotsd. He kept touchink me, it fet goood. I likd it lotsh. Nice Jimmy. I mist Avry. hez mi hsband ks m lv bab. ha.


* * *

Oh god…my head. It felt like it was being split like firewood. Ugh, I never felt so terrible in my life. I sat up and opened my eyes fully. I was in a strange room. I heard someone stirring next to me. I looked over to see a very naked Jimmy. Oh…oh God, no. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down on to his bare chest. My face collided against his tattoo.

“Mmm, come back to bed,” he whispered.

Nausea erupted in my stomach. It rose higher and higher. I squirmed out of his arms and ran to the first door I saw. It was the closet. I slammed my hand against my mouth, as if that would somehow stop myself from barfing. I tried another door and finally found the bathroom. I ran to his toilet and emptied my stomach. Throwing up made my head hurt even more.

“Kennedy?” he called to me.

Oh no…oh please, no. I didn’t…I wouldn’t…I couldn’t. Yet…I had. It came rushing back to me. I slept with Jimmy. I got completely shit faced and I had sex with my best friend. Avery and I were legally separated…does that still make it adultery? I don’t know why I was having a semantics argument with myself. I wanted to scream and cry and kill Jimmy…but was it really his fault? Yes, he offered to take me to his place…but I agreed to go. I let him have sex with me. I felt like I had finally hit rock bottom. I wasn’t the girl who had affairs. I wasn’t the sort of girl who even had sex without being married. Who had I become? Avery will never forgive me.

I looked down at myself and realized I was naked as well. I couldn’t live in Jimmy’s bathroom…I had to come out sometime. I looked around for something to cover myself up with. I know there wasn’t a lot of point to it, since Jimmy had seen me naked – another tremor of nausea ran through me – but still, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I found a towel and I wrapped it around my body. I stalked out of the bathroom to see Jimmy sitting up in bed. He saw the look on my face.

“Let me guess…last night was a mistake?”

He looked hurt. I tried not to notice. Instead, I nodded solemnly.

“Jimmy…I’m in love with Avery…I’m married to Avery. You’re my best friend.”

He nodded, but the hurt didn’t fade from his face. He rose from the bed and brushed past me to the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him. I gathered my clothes, dressed and left his apartment as fast as I could.

* * *

Eight weeks passed. Ever since that…mistake, with Jimmy I hadn’t felt like myself. I hadn’t felt like I was really me. I was tired and sick all the time. I just felt so horrible and ashamed that I just wanted to sleep all day.

I wanted to call Avery more than anything else in the world. I remembered his words…about getting himself checked out. I decided if I could do one thing for him…one thing that would maybe make up for one one-thousandth of the horrible thing I did to him, I’d do it. So, I went to the hospital. I didn’t get the news that I was expecting though…I got something else entirely.

The Doctor couldn’t check my fertility…because I was already pregnant. I was pregnant and only one man could be the father. I couldn’t enjoy or be happy or even excited about the entire thing. This wasn’t right…this wasn’t how my life was supposed to go.

I had been undecided about telling Avery that I had slept with Jimmy. Now, I had no choice. I called him and asked him to come over. He had expected a different sort of conversation, I’m sure.

We didn’t have a chance to go through all of the pleasantries. When he saw the expression on my face he flew immediately into ‘caring husband’ mode. I felt so horrible. I am easily the worst human being on the planet. I had this great man…and this great relationship and I threw it all away. If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d kill myself.

“What’s wrong, Kennedy? Are you okay?”

“Avery…I’m pregnant.”

His face turned so excited, “really? That’s so…” he trailed off his realization hit him.

“Jimmy?”

“Yes,” I said, unable to look into his hurt eyes any longer.

He was silent…painfully silent. It wasn’t Avery’s way to yell or scream. He really was perfect…and I blew it. Now, I was carrying a baby that wasn’t his. I forced myself to look back into his face…it was what I deserved.

“I’m so…so sorry, Avery.”

He sighed, but said nothing else. Instead, he turned and walked out of the door… and out on me.

* * *

Life, they say, always goes on. It did. As much as I’d lie in bed and and hope that everything in my life wasn’t fucked up. I expected to have a miscarriage…I didn’t hope for one…but I expected it. To my great surprise, my pregnancy continued to develop at a normal rate. The fetus was healthy.

Now, I had to tell the father of the baby. I didn’t really want to…I didn’t want to face him with our mistakes. Part of me was still really furious that he hadn’t even used any protection. Though I suppose that is just as much my fault as his.

Jimmy was thrilled. We had talked through everything, and though he was in love with me he decided that he’d rather me be a friend in his life…than not at all. So, because he was the father of my baby he agreed to help me raise it. I didn’t waste more time wishing that this was Avery in front of me, and Avery’s baby in my belly.

Life kept going. The newspaper came every day.

The bills had to be paid.

Every now and then, I’d find some quiet spot to be…even more alone and cry.

I went into labor two days earlier than my obstetrician had predicted. I left a message for Jimmy…and for Avery, just in case, and headed to the hospital…alone.

Jimmy came as fast as he could, but Avery didn’t show up. Not that I really expected him to. I had a super fast and easy birth. I think my daughter really wanted to be born. I named her Jessica and gave her my last name, that is to say, my maiden name. So I brought little Jessica Mason home.

As horrible as I felt about the circumstances of her birth, I absolutely loved my little girl. I felt strange. I was so in love with Jessica from the moment she first opened her little eyes and looked at me. Yet, I wished that everything was different. If it was different…she wouldn’t exist. The thought of her not existing made my heart break. Was it normal to feel this way?

* * *

Taking care of a baby on your own is difficult, to say the least. So difficult in fact that I haven’t had the slightest opportunity to write in my journal. I’m sorry. I haven’t spoken to Avery in almost a year. I write him letters about how Jessica and I are doing, though he’s never responded. We celebrated her first birthday yesterday. It was a cute little affair, though Avery is the only one who attended the little party.

She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen…and she was mine. She had Jimmy’s hair, but my eyes. It was amazing how something so beautiful could come from an event I regretted so much.

* * *

As much as I loved my daughter, not even she could save me from the depression that surrounded me. I had to work…I had to pay the bills somehow. So, I did what I had to do and worked with the band. I hired a sitter and night after night I went out and performed. We did every gig we could get, and Jimmy always gave me half of his pay. I tried to refuse, but he said it was ‘child support’.

Going home alone to a grumpy sitter became a chore. I started to stay out later and later. After gigs, I’d sit at the bar and drink. I wasn’t stupid…I’d wait until after Jimmy had left. He’d kill me if he knew that I was getting drunk before going home to our daughter. Of course, she was always asleep by the time I got home. She was an excellent sleeper. So, it didn’t matter if I drank. I’d always be sober by the time I woke up to spend time with her.

We had another big gig come by…this time we played a club I’d never been to: Plasma 501. We’d all heard rumors about this place. Some said that it was a vampire club. I figured it was a place for rich goth kids to hang out.

The club was just as I expected, a bunch of goth people playing vampire. Some of them even had those fake fangs that you can buy in the mall. They seemed to enjoy our sound though, which was exciting. If they liked us, it’d be a whole ‘nother market open for us.

There was one man who seemed to really enjoy our show…well, at least my part in it. He stared at me the entire night with these deep, intense eyes.

Against my better judgement, I flirted with him throughout the entire show. I just couldn’t get past his beautiful eyes. They seemed to suck me in…draw me deep into his soul. It was like staring into infinite space. I wanted to know him…I wanted to experience him. It was so strange.

* * *

After the show, I sat at the bar like I always do. As I ordered a drink, I became faintly aware of a presence behind me. It was the enthralling man from before. He slid into the stool next to me and ordered a drink in a strange language from the bartender. I took a sip of mine and pretended like I hadn’t noticed him sit down.

“You played a great show,” he said to me in accented English. I tried to place the accent, it sounded like Eastern Europe to me.

“Thanks,” I said, taking a sip on my drink. I had gotten used to the burning.

“You are, of course, the most talented of the group.”

“Oh really?” I asked, smirking and taking another draw on my beverage, “why do you say that?”

“You have the most heart. Look at me.

I obliged. My head whipped over towards his and I found myself once again falling into his eyes. He pulled me into himself, it was like falling asleep…except that I was entirely awake. He took his hand in mine and led me away from the bar. We were in a dark corner. A little part of my brain was screaming for me to run…run now, run away while I still could. But, I couldn’t. I was stuck here in this horrible place with no where to run. My legs wouldn’t work. My eyes were stuck in his.

He stroked my cheek.

“You are so beautiful. I would very much like to kiss you.”

Before I knew it…he was leaning into me. His lips brushed my neck. I let out a little moan without meaning to. It had been so long. It was wrong, so wrong. This man wasn’t Avery…wasn’t my husband or the man I loved. Yet, I couldn’t pull away. I couldn’t move or tear myself away from him. He had bewitched me…he had captured me. Suddenly…

Pain.

It was sharp and jabbing in my neck. I became faintly aware of his mouth on my flesh. Had he bitten me?

Everything got very blurry. The room was spinning so fast, round and round it went. The world went black around me. A moment later, I opened my eyes and I was back in my bed. My head was splitting and sunlight was streaming in through my blinds. It was morning…how had I gotten home? I remembered being at the show and the man at the bar with the eyes.

I ran to the mirror and looked at my neck. I remembered him saying he was going to kiss me and instead, he bit my neck. Underneath my jaw were two pinpricks. That bastard really had bitten me. How weird. I knew some people were into kink, but I certainly was not into biting. Ugh, I hope we never play that club again. I glanced back to the crib and saw Jessica lying very still. I ran to her, suddenly fearful and panicking. That man…had he taken me home? Had he done something to my little angel? I put my hand on her back and felt the gentle rise and fall of her breathing. I breathed a sigh of relief in turn. Perhaps I had just gotten myself home and was too…drunk to remember. The problem with that theory is that I only had one drink.

* * *

A week dragged by. I started to feel worse and worse. Maybe that creepy guy gave me the flu or something? I was having trouble regulating my body temperature, my head was always splitting and I was exhausted all the time. I tried to perform with the band, but I was just too tired. I tried my best to keep up with Jessica, but I wound up having to call Jimmy and beg for him to take her until I got better. He agreed, actually, and was happy to be spending time with his daughter.

I had no idea what was wrong with me until…well, until something truly unexplainable happened to me. My whole body suddenly felt like it was on fire. I felt as though my insides were burning and at any moment my entire self would burst into flames. It was as if some invisible force had grabbed a hold of me. I fell off of the couch – I had been writing a letter to Avery – and tried to stumble towards the door. My stomach began to cramp up so painfully…more pain than I had ever experienced in my life. I doubled over and shrieked in pain.

*********

Oh yes…its the vampire generation. 😉

Though, doesn’t Kennedy make a gorgeous vampire?

1 thought on “PG-13 Cut of Kennedy – Chapter Nine”

  1. Kennedy Looks amazing as a vampire 🙂

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